Something Different

[BroKeN]

Thought id post 1 of the many poems ive written recently.

Its a bit **** and looking for criticism. But these are my feelings so please be a bit respectful.

Lost in a Place by Lee Cousens
Lost in a place
within my mind
living in a empty space
hoping to find
whats bother me so
spinning in my head
no place to go
sooner be dead
All i can see
is just me you
no place to be
no longer see what is true
who is beside me
no longer do i no
who do i be
where do i go
do i continue to linger
with the emptiness in my life
showing the world the finger
resorting to the knife
following the repetition
of the days passing by
not wanting attention
but to drown in the sky
oneday we
will see eye to eye
soon to be
more than you and i
all of your pain
tears me to sleep
feeling the strain
from my inner deep
rhyming in my mind
feelings on a page
life is unkind
my mind is my cage
awaiting the reaper
shadow in the door
something deeper
something more
testing myself
against wot i am
damaging my health
living is a scam
lost in the smoke
hiding inside
my poetic cloak
cannot confide
in the ones i trust
problems of the past
blowing off the dust
Raising my mast
sailing out to sea
looking for love
looking to be free
waiting for the above
to give you a sign
of when i will
stop in time
swallow the pill
or jump to my fate
drown in my own
everlasting hate
i want it to be known
i can take it no more
no longer to be thrown
by the one i adore
punchbag of emotions
the stronger the need
plotter of notions
all i want is to be freed
illusion of hope
illusion of friends
how can i cope
till this life ends
Oneday i will find
my little space
within my mind
just my little place.

 

[FUTURA]

The words work, I guess. I dunno if you were trying to go for lack of punctuation, but I think you failed there. Standard rhymes, I try and avoid rhymes in my poems, too predictable.

 

[A Touch of Evil]

You lose.

 

[HolyCow]

Yeah, poetry can be so much more beautiful if you're not constricting yourself to rhyming. Having said that, it is well done and was a nice (albeit a little depressing) change from the normal "amg wtf lawned tbh m7" threads.

 

[Vannaroth]

Sounds like a godamn Linkin Park song.

 

[wtf-this-time]

thought it was pretty good lee

 

[ilovesarah]

i didnt think it was good not my type of style :P

 

[BroKeN]

Just reread it and noticed a few mistakes i made. Note the fact i was mashed out my face during the creation of this poem