Joke thread!
- Thread starter Blaminator
- Start date
lol @ jeal
my 1 is scouser joker
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There are 2 scousers in a bar and their both abit drunk due to alotta beers being downed by them. One of them go's outside and has a pee up the wall but while hes having that pee a vicious dog bites him and he calls for his m8, his m8 comes out not thinking wot do so he lobs a plank a wood on the dog and it kills it. wlkin by was a news reporter he wlks up to both of dem and goes "well i c whats happeneed here, 2morrows headlines -
Brave Chelsea Fan Saves Mate From Vicious Dog! - and then the guys say "Where not chelsea fans" so then the newsreporter goes "Brave Westham Fans Save Mate From VICIOUS DOG!" and they go again where not westham fans, so the newsreportert walks closer to them and goes "well what fans are you?" and they reply
"Where Liverpool fans" and in socked face the newsreporter goes "Dirty Scousers Kill Loving Family Puppy" and walks off angry :P
my 1 is scouser joker
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There are 2 scousers in a bar and their both abit drunk due to alotta beers being downed by them. One of them go's outside and has a pee up the wall but while hes having that pee a vicious dog bites him and he calls for his m8, his m8 comes out not thinking wot do so he lobs a plank a wood on the dog and it kills it. wlkin by was a news reporter he wlks up to both of dem and goes "well i c whats happeneed here, 2morrows headlines -
Brave Chelsea Fan Saves Mate From Vicious Dog! - and then the guys say "Where not chelsea fans" so then the newsreporter goes "Brave Westham Fans Save Mate From VICIOUS DOG!" and they go again where not westham fans, so the newsreportert walks closer to them and goes "well what fans are you?" and they reply
"Where Liverpool fans" and in socked face the newsreporter goes "Dirty Scousers Kill Loving Family Puppy" and walks off angry :P
These are mine
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
- May 24, 2004
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Q: What's pink, bubbly and scratches at the window?
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: What's pink, red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in it's eyes.
Q: What's pink, red and lying in all four corners of a room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: What's sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A: The baby in the middle eating it's way out.
Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: What's pink, red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in it's eyes.
Q: What's pink, red and lying in all four corners of a room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: What's sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A: The baby in the middle eating it's way out.
Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
A woman was becoming greatly distressed. Her husband had lost all intrest in sex and all the various doctors and specialists they had seen could give no reason. In desperation she wrote to Santa Claus asking for help. He responded by giving her special sex pills. He told her that if she put one pill in her husbands dinner then they'd have a night of fantastic sex. He also warned her never to use more than one. The woman was skeptacle but decided to give it a try and, by god, it worked!The woman was so thrilled she used one pill a day for an entire month.One day she thought "Well all this sex has been great, but what would happen if I gave him all the pills at once..." So, completely forgetting Santa's warning she slipped all the remaining pills in her husband's dinner.
Several months later Santa decided to check up on the woman and see how his gift had helped her. A young boy answered the phone and Santa asked hom his mother was enjoying the gift. The little boy said "So you're the one who sent the pills... well, Mommy's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts, and Daddy's up in the attic going `here kitty kitty"
EDIT: ---------
10 of the most dirtiests golf words
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
Several months later Santa decided to check up on the woman and see how his gift had helped her. A young boy answered the phone and Santa asked hom his mother was enjoying the gift. The little boy said "So you're the one who sent the pills... well, Mommy's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts, and Daddy's up in the attic going `here kitty kitty"
EDIT: ---------
10 of the most dirtiests golf words
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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